


Conversations With The Night

by NeedleandChess



Category: Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll, Dictionary definitions - Fandom, Love - Fandom, Original Work, Poetry - Fandom, letters - Fandom, poems - Fandom
Genre: Dictionary Definitions, Inspired By Tumblr, Letters, Poems, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 03:39:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10654128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeedleandChess/pseuds/NeedleandChess
Summary: Collection of short poems, letters or conversations I have with my ceiling.Mostly just descriptive text as I find it aesthetically pleasing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dictionary definition: no.1  
> Despair.  
> dɪˈspɛː]  
> NOUN  
> the complete loss or absence of hope:  
> "a voice full of self-hatred and despair" · [more]  
> synonyms: hopelessness · desperation · distress · anguish · pain · [more]
> 
> Describe Despair without using the word.

Reality builds a glass house around you. You see black clouds and forked lightning crack through the air, fear alight within you. You are scared-no no not quite, you're numb to it all. You're scared at what you're _not_ feeling.

The wind kicks up stones and they fly down upon your glass walls, but what is more terrifying still is the person on the outside. The storm engulfs her, the darkness taking her. She is not real. She is not here. She is the memory of a ghost yet you ache for her. You wish to stand-you tremble as you consider it-but you merely hug your knees closer to your chest. You are crying but sadness is not the reason why. You cry from longing. You watch as she approaches your walls and the world around you folds. Turmoil is unleashed in the sky, horizons a razor cut slice rather than an optimistic line and never again will there be a sun. You cannot move. You cannot escape. Nothing holds you, yet you are chained.

She approaches silently. Until this point you have wanted to be alone; to let the oceans claim you and the earth retake you. You give up. You do not want to be alone. She approaches and taps the wall and the glass falls as an avalanche does. Graceful. Beautiful. Mesmerizing. The wind is a roar now and overwhelming fear grips you but from what you do not know you only know that you are falling deeper down the rabbit hole.

Her smoke like hair curls in tendrils and you battle yourself on whether to look. Look and it all comes rushing back. Don't and you'll always wish you'd seen it one last time. But every time you look she slips away. Don't watch. Pretend. Pretend she's not there just for now. Sweet Orpheus stay strong and do not look upon her haunted face, she leaves quicker.

You feel her soft hand on your arm, pushing you gently back to this world. You look to see her face but it was never there at all. She was never here at all. The ghost of a memory, the memory of a ghost. The glass walls are down and the rain pounds into you as you turn your face toward the sky and scream. But nobody hears.

_Despair._


	2. Alice, Alice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A letter to Alice Liddell/Carroll.  
> (Yes there is T.S.Eliott. at the end of the poem but I changed the wording so it flowed better I know the way the line is meant to go.  
> I wrote letter, it's more poem than anything).

I will never understand why,

You fell.

And blamed each individual,

But yourself.

I will never understand why the cheshire is so bad,

The hatter so mad.

When you escaped reality,

All that you had.

Just to return,

To want to return.

You got your wish,

Which is more than the rest of us did.

Tell me Alice,

Tell me true.

You don't really blame them,

Do you?

You wish you hadn't wished,

Or you wish you wished better.

Alice, Alice,

How can it be?

You entered this world,

To fight the red queen.

Alice, Alice,

Tell me at last:

Why not let the white rabbit pass?

Without intrusion or knowledge or gold,

You'd never have fallen down the rabbit hole.

Alice, Alice,

Why didn't you stay

To see wonderland in a new day?

Alice,

Curiosity killed the cat.

You knew that (you knew that),

So why go back?

So much to explore,

So much to do.

Why leave them,

What'd they do to you?

After all, dear Alice,

You're just a girl.

Who fell into another world.

But I dear Alice,

Am none all together.

Had I gone to wonderland,

I'd have flown without feathers.

So mock me if you shall, mock me if you do.

You left them, yet worry why they abandoned you.

Go back to reality, if it's really what you wish,

But don't come back to break us again.

Don't come back calling yourself friend.

Not with a bang but with a whimper,

This is the way the world ends.


	3. His Name Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love my Bae and I'm cringey and also he never checks this account so he'll never find it muahahhahahaha.

Stars smatter across the bridge of his nose.

(He calls them freckles, you only see galaxies).

Black roadworks that lead to his ears and enclose his eyes.

(Glasses that are always dirty or smudged but his eyes shine through anyway).

He notices you staring and raises a hand to ruffle his hair.

(He hates his hair and you can't fathom how. It flows with the wind like feathers).

His mouth opens to ask what you're staring at.

(You can't say, he'll not believe you or worse think you're being sarcastic. You're left to wonder what broke him to the point he can't see how beautiful he is. It is a sad thought. You shake your head in answer to his question).

Confused, his eyes search yours.

(Iridescent irises that were forged in heart break and silences and laughs that belong to the angels. He doesn't hear it. His dysphoria masks your euphoria at his existence).

He bites his bottom lip with an eyebrow raised.

(And you can't kiss him because the world doesn't know your his, so you let longing press against your ribcage and stuff your hands into your pockets).

He asks again, concerned. You see the beginnings of him wondering what he did wrong.

(But he didn't. He never has. You want to hold his hand and tell him that. Grab his collar and tilt your face to meet his. To hold his hand and comfort. To hold him by the chest in a hug that tangles every part of each other. But you can't).

He makes a joke or you do or someone else does. His laugh echoes through him.

(You can't help but note all of it. The way one hand clutches his stomach if it's a small guffawing laugh. The way both hands cage over his mouth and nose if it's a true laugh. The way his head shakes and he leans into you. Only self conscious when he stops laughing. You watch him watch you to see your reaction. Your always smiling even if it's not your joke to share in. He has to know your smiling).

You get a text later to ask what happened today and you smile to yourself.

(You text him back, 'you being adorable as always' because you can text these things. You can't say them. You've never been able to say them. You hide behind your words, but when it comes to him the words never obey).

He texts back question marks, genuinely bewildered at what attracted you and how you can feel that way.

(And you blush at the follow up 'love you text'. Because you hide behind your words, and they are soft and sweet. You wish you were next to him right now holding him but you're not. You're not.

One day you'll help him believe that a galaxy of stars rest upon his face, that his veins are long lines you could trace for hours. That he can hold you and kiss you without waiting for you to do it first or asking. That he is the one thing that holds you to the Earth. That he is what you think of when you see the sky. He is who you wish to talk to when alone or lonely. The first person you want to share the day with. The only person you want to spend your time with.

One day he'll understand why he deserves loving.

But until then you can only love what he can't understand, knowing he loves all those things about you.

And God knows that makes no sense).


	4. Dialogue prompts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I usually think of interesting starts to stories but have no plot to follow so here's to writing them all down so I can finally give them up.

"Okay but this really isn't my fault"

"You killed four people, burned an entire village and stole all the possessions you came across. Of course the Kings going to blame you"

"But it wasn't me!"

"You didn't do all those things?"

"God no, of course I did. I was just trying out an angle"

"Your angle is how little jail time you can get"

"Well if I go down, you're going down with me"

"No I'm not"

"Damn it"

*****

"Are you aware he stole your car?"

"Oh? He did? Damn. I liked that car"

"You're not all that concerned?"

"Sir where are we?"

"A gas station"

"You think I'm gonna leave my car if it's got enough fuel to go anywhere?"

"He said to tell you 'whos winning now?'"

"Would you mind answering that question for me?"

"What?"

"Well you see he stole my car with barely half a mile of gas in, in fact he's probably broken down by now. Whereas I have his wallet, a very nice wallet with even nicer notes inside it, a cup of coffee and his sister's number"

"You win"

"You'd think that wouldn't you?"

"Have you not won?"

"I haven't started playing yet"

*****

"I'm not gonna kill him"

"Think of it as fatally maiming"

"That's the same thing"

"Think of it as a minor inconvenience to his day to day activities"

"Death isn't minor"

"Nor is the issue of time, in case you forgot that the police are chasing us. Either shoot the bastard or give me the gun"

"I'll kill him..."

"Can you do it now?"

"NOT IF YOU RUSH ME KEVIN"

"MICHAEL PLEASE"

*****

"I'm your lawyer"

"I don't need a lawyer"

"You're right, but as Gods a little busy right now I'll have to do"

"God's busy so he sent one of the devils own?"

"Not even the devil condones what you did, so if I were you, I'd take this demon over the hell that waits for you in jail"

"They're sending me to olyphemus, aren't they?"

"Do I detect vulnerability?"

"You detect an innocent man who's sick to shit of this system. Let the harpies have me, I've suffered enough"

"The harpies prolong suffering, not end it"

"Then end me"

"That's not my job"

"Then do what every other person in the so called justice system does"

"What's that?"

"Abuse your power. Let me hang. The devil knows me by name, I never trusted angels anyways"

"Why is it your so eager to die?"

"I'm saving that one for the preacher"


End file.
